Navigating a new relationship is exciting but tricky business. How do you get to know someone on a deeper level while simultaneously winning them over? Skip the grand gestures and lavish gifts and ensure your budding partner is the right fit with these 21 questions for a new relationship.
Cheaper than a big night out and more romantic than any home setup. These questions to get to know someone can lead to the best dates ever and help you know if you’ve found the one. They’re filled with genuine intention and a strong desire to get to know the other person. What could be more charming than that?
Keep reading for our complete list of 21 questions for a new relationship. Use these to get to know someone on a deeper, more meaningful level. Trust us, they’re more effective than any pickup lines you may have up your sleeve.
1. What are you afraid of?
Asking someone what they’re afraid of will quickly identify their core values and what they cherish most in the world. If they share an answer like ‘losing my family,’ you’ll know they hold their relationships close.
On the other hand, if they say something like ‘I’m not scared of anything,’ you’ll know you’re sitting across the table from a (wannabe) big shot. Everyone is afraid of something, and this question should help you identify your partner’s soft spots.
2. What would you grab if your house was on fire?
This is another one that really shows you a person’s values. It’s easy to say you’d grab jewelry and other precious items, but is that what’s most important in life? Look for meaningful answers like family pictures, paperwork, and sentimental items to know that a person is more than just their material items.
3. What’s your favorite playlist to listen to?
Having a similar taste in music is a great foundation for a relationship. I mean, not totally, but it certainly helps to enjoy the same tunes. But even if they pull an answer out of left field, sharing music is a love language for some. What does their favorite music say about them?
4. What are your coping mechanisms when you’re sad?
It’s good to understand what helps your partner the most when they’re feeling blue. Coping mechanisms can be anything from having a nice long cry, listening to music, eating a favorite food, or curling up on the couch with a movie. It doesn’t matter what coping mechanisms they have, so long as they’re a healthy way of dealing with strong negative emotions.
5. How do you spend your alone time?
Even if your partner is super active in their alone time and you prefer to chill, you may quickly find it easy to strike a healthy balance. But it’s good to understand this ahead of time instead of being surprised by their lifestyle later.
6. What’s your dream job?
In my opinion, this question goes a long way in terms of telling you about a person. Are they a dreamer? Money chaser? Clout fiend? Do they hope to follow their passions one day or simply go where the paychecks follow? There’s no shame in making money, but you know what they say: love your job, and you’ll never work a day in your life.
7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Understanding your partner’s hopes and dreams for the future will allow you to understand if they align with your own. Do they want a family? Do they want to travel? Do they see themselves in the exact same spot or somewhere completely new? It’s smart to understand this from the get-go, so you’re not surprised when things start to go in a different direction down the line.
8. Do you still talk to your exes?
At the end of the day, how someone speaks about their ex is super telling, especially in a new relationship. It’s not necessarily a red flag to talk to your exes. In fact, this can actually be a good thing.
Maintaining a positive relationship with someone you’ve shared your life with isn’t bad, so long as the romantic feelings have dissipated. Though if there are still sparks flying and some residual emotions, talking to exes can be similar to playing with fire.
9. Do you want to start a family one day?
While a relationship can be nearly perfect, if you’re not on the same page about marriage and kids, you can run into some major roadblocks down the line. It’s smart to ensure you have similar life desires from the beginning, so you know you’re both working towards mutual goals.
10. How would you spend your last day on earth?
Hopefully, their answer isn’t ‘eating and having sex,’ but if that’s how you’d spend your last day on earth, maybe you really are a match made in heaven.
11. What are you most grateful for in life?
There are few things in life more important than gratitude. Life with someone self-absorbed and stuck up can be a drag. So it’s wise to determine what they hold close. Whether it’s family, friends, a good job, or even a roof over their heads, having an attitude of gratitude will carry a relationship far, especially if they can appreciate the little things in life.
12. What’s your favorite holiday tradition?
This is a fun one in terms of questions to get to know someone. While it’s not the most vital piece of information, it can definitely tell you a lot about a person. Do they spend Thanksgiving with their family or at the local diner? Christmas with a real tree or a fake one? Lover of Valentine’s Day or a total hater?
This will give you some insight into your future together. Do you share any of the same traditions, or is it time to make some new ones?
13. What or who is your biggest inspiration in life?
Inspiration can strike when you least expect it, or it can be blatantly obvious. It helps to understand where your partner gets their inspiration, especially in a new relationship. If they’re constantly fawning over influencers and take most of their inspiration from Instagram, this can be pretty telling about a person.
On the other hand, if someone is inspired by their family, great writers, or an internal motivation to change the world, you may find there’s slightly more substance to their intrinsic motivations. Corny, but true.
14. If you won the lottery, how would you spend it?
Knowing how someone would spend their (imaginary) lottery winnings can tell you a lot about a person. Now, I’m not saying they have to give it all away—we are talking in hypotheticals, after all—but if they’re only focused on spending huge amounts of money on material items, whereas you would spread the wealth, you may not be a solid a match in the common beliefs department.
15. Are you ready for a serious commitment?
Let me just say, the last thing you want is to enter into a relationship with someone who is not ready for commitment when you are.
If one person sees the relationship as a fling and the other sees them as a potential future spouse, there’s a major disconnect that can be harmful to a relationship. Understanding where you are and where you’re going is paramount to success, so it’s well worth communicating this early on. If they’re not ready for a serious commitment, that’s okay. The main idea is that they’re open to working towards it.
16. Have you ever been unfaithful?
While likely an unpopular opinion, being unfaithful isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, especially if your partner can own up to their past mistakes and are committed to moving forward. People can be unfaithful for a huge variety of reasons. But if they can be honest about it and are committed to learning from their previous indiscretions, this can indicate serious growth and maturity in terms of a relationship.
17. How do you handle conflict?
If one of you is a screamer and the other likes to sit down and hash things out calmly, identifying your conflict styles (before a major blowout) may go a long way in preventing clashes down the line. Asking this question can set the expectation early in the relationship that conflict can (and should) be handled maturely.
Whether you need to step away from the fight for a minute or talk things through in the moment, it helps to know before the fight takes hold.
18. What’s your ideal date night?
In a new relationship, everything can feel exciting and fresh. But as the relationship continues, understanding what makes your partner feel most loved and appreciated can go a long way in showing that you truly care.
Without harping on the concept of love languages too much, knowing your partner’s ideal date night early on can help you organize something that appeals to them on a deep level. Instead of doing what you think is right, you’re catering to their specific wants and needs, which is the foundation of a strong, long-lasting relationship.
19. Which family member are you closest to?
To some, family is everything, while others may not be as fortunate to have a close relationship. This is one of those questions to get to know someone that won’t make or break anything but simply give you a better understanding of where they come from and who they’re closest to in life.
20. When was the last time you were tested for STDs?
This definitely isn’t the most fun out of the 21 questions for a new relationship, but it’s an important one all the same.
While you likely aren’t going to ask this on a first date or even a second (keep those rubbers handy), it’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask as you begin to get more serious with someone. Nothing says a fun date night like a trip to the clinic together.
21. What are your expectations for a partner?
This question in a new relationship helps lay it all out on the table. When you first begin dating someone, it can be hard to get a proper read on a person. Everyone is on their best behavior and likely trying to impress the other.
But at the end of the day, it’s uber important to understand if you’re on the same page. For example, if one person is super needy and the other can’t accommodate this, it’s better to know this in month one or two instead of year three or four. Laying expectations out clearly can give help you understand if you can live up to these expectations (and vice versa).
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It can be a bit of a doozie to bring up all 21 questions for a new relationship at one time. It’s better to sprinkle these bits here and there and use them as epic conversation starters. Rather than rattling off the list, keep the questions open-ended and let them lead to meaningful discussions.
And try to bring them up subtly. No one likes being bombarded with seemingly endless get to know you questions. Let the moment guide the questions you ask, and you’ll be rewarded with genuine answers to life’s (and relationship’s) most important queries.